Is this it?

In a word: Yes.

Google–or whatever hip, new search engine you used–probably led you to believe you'd find an awe-inspiring portfolio reflecting 15 years of product design experience, showcasing work for some of the world's biggest, coolest, most-beloved brands and products.

You probably thought you'd find case studies, so packed with insight and impact, you simply wouldn't believe that John (that's me, the person writing this nonsense) might be interested in a new project or role with you and your organisation.

Oh, God. I feel bad now. I just realised you thought there might be some slick HTML 5 animations too... everybody has those things. Oh fuck. I didn't even add a JQuery parallax plugin. Isometric images of interfaces I've worked on? Yeah, I probably should have some of those too. Maybe something about my minimalist, user-centered approach to delighting users? Don't worry, I'm taking notes.

Come to think of it, I really should have included a CV too. Shit. It's starting to sink in, just how much I've messed up this portfolio site now. I should be making a huge deal about the fact I've lead teams and projects for swanky clients like Nintendo, TransferWise, Apple, Samsung, Peak, EF Education First, ITV, BBC, Virgin, PlayStation etc.

I guess I need all that good stuff. And more. You know, to make myself standout from the crowd. Damn it.

I had one chance and I blew it.

One chance to impress you, and I messed it all up.

I should have left my old portfolio site up here and just worked away silently until I had this all figured out. Hindsight really is 20/20. Or is it 20:20? ...I just did a quick Google. It's "20/20". Which makes sense, now that I think about it.

Anyhoo. Thanks for stopping by. Maybe drop me an email if you can help me sort my life out, and start making meaningful changes.

Your pal, John Hoy-Taylor

Update: It just dawned on my that I've never even posted anything to my Medium account and I'm still calling myself a designer. How the hell do I even manage to get myself dressed in the morning?!

Another update: I forgot to wear socks. HELP ME!

Yet another update: A super-cool deisgner I know, who uses something called Snapchat(!?) told me about Emoji. :sad-face: Awesome. That didn't even work. I thought it would be a quick win, of sorts, to show how down with the kids I am. But, nope.